SILENCE IS VIOLENCE

I’ve written this for some time now and have thought long and hard before posting it. If what I focus on expands then I really just want to be focusing on good health, personal development, love, financial freedom and traveling the world. However, I felt that using my voice and sharing my experience on this issue would be of greater significance to others than my silence.

Boys will be boys

Just to be clear, This is not a political post. Ironically, I am a Political Science Graduate who doesn’t follow up on the U.S. Presidential elections. I have not seen any of the Debates. To be honest, I haven’t watched television in months. The only reason I even know about Trump’s ‘grab the pussy’ incident is because there was no missing it on my Facebook Timeline.

He wants to “grab the pussy” (without consent)? Excuse me if I’m a party pooper because I didn’t find it funny. Yeah, I know he calls  it ‘normal’ locker-room talk and well, that’s just how men speak but I don’t buy it. I will not tolerate that defense. These kinds of behaviour and the mindset that leads to and encourages these kinds of behaviour can no longer be just a ‘9 Days Wonder’. The women who have to live with the repercussions of this “Boys will be boys” mindset that facilitates the pervasive culture of rape, molestation and abuse suffer for far more than 9 days. Some suffer for more than 9 years. And well, some just never recover. So I will no longer remain silent.

I’m not playing judge or jury on Trump and I’m not validating the allegations of the ladies. I have no idea if either is guilty or innocent. What I am saying, however, is that when we excuse certain behaviour, we send out the message that’s it’s ok for boys to say whatever they want to and about girls. And by the time this message has been cemented and these boys grow up to be men, well, they become the bane of some woman’s existence. And that is NOT ok. Boys can no longer just be boys. Boys MUST BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE for their actions!

tumblr_ochi1jcILO1uuj86wo1_500.png

Break the silence

“Why did these women wait so long to report it?”

“They’re lying! They just want fame.”

“They just want his money.”

I’ve seen this cynicism before. It’s not unusual for people to disbelieve a victim or condemn her for coming forward because, by their standards, she took too long to report it so it couldn’t possibly be true. I saw similar comments with the Cosby allegations and I kept silent; Partly because, for years, I’ve had plans on creating a campaign that addresses the issue of Rape and Molestation, partly because I had reservations about putting my personal life out there and partly because I really didn’t have the energy to respond to every idiotic comment I saw. But somehow this time, I am prodded by purpose to get out of my usual ‘moving right along” attitude and break my silence.

I’ve been waiting for the ‘perfect time’ and the ‘perfect strength’ since what seems like forever, but I read somewhere recently that the time is always right to do what is right. Though, there will never be a perfect time to want to feel vulnerable, this is not just about me.

z10.png

I’m Stacia Davidson. About 30 years ago, I was sexually molested by my neighbour Mr. Gordon when I was about 6 years old. Yes, I know if I’m to follow the thread of comments I’ve seen, in relation to the Trump and Cosby allegations, then I should also keep silent. In fact, it was 30 years ago, so by ‘logical’ social media trolls’ deduction, I must be lying or it was probably my fault. Furthermore, the time has long passed so why come forward now? “Get over it already!”

It was not my fault. I was not asking for it. I am not seeking pity. I’m not a victim. I’m not (just) a survivor. I’m a VICTOR. I have been fortunate enough to break free from the negative hold that the experience had on me for years. Unfortunately, many of my sisters have not been as fortunate. They still suffer from depression, anxiety, low-self esteem, fear, distrust and/or hatred for men and are still reliving the horror. It’s hard in itself to finally muster enough courage to actually come forward to speak out and name your molester/rapist but then to have people condemn you because somehow anyone who would wait that long to name the person who violated them must be lying.

Silence is Violence

I am coming forward now because I CHOOSE to speak about it now. I am coming forward because there is violence in silence. I’m coming forward because our silence continues to be their greatest weapon. I’m coming forward because of the thought of how many cases I may have prevented and how many other little girls’ innocence could have been protected had I not kept silent. I’m coming forward because of how many little girls’ lives were probably altered at the hands of Mr. Gordon because I kept silent. It was as if I had inflicted their pain by keeping his ‘secret’. I’m coming forward because my silence made him comfortable. I gave him no reason to stop hurting others.

I am coming forward because I refuse to protect the reputation of a man that hurts little girls. I’m coming forward because I won’t let molestation and rape continue to be ‘normal’. I’m coming forward because I will not let these men that prey on women and children win. I’m coming forward because of the children and women who continue to suffer in silence. I’m coming forward so that they know they have support. I’m coming forward so they can have the courage to speak out, to get help, and to name their predator. I’m coming forward because if I can prevent one little girl from this experience then I would have spared her life.

I am coming forward because I’m hoping to inspire change. Change in the way you think… about victims, about rapists and molesters… and about using your voice as a positive agent of change.

It’s disheartening that 1 in every 6 woman has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Additionally, 1 in every 4 girl will be sexually molested before she is 18 years old. Yet, amidst this prevalence, it’s sad and scary that both men and women alike are uninformed and have such warped opinions and expectations of how a victim/survivor is supposed to and not supposed to act or when and under what circumstances she is or isn’t supposed to reveal that it happened. Be more mindful of your words. Show some empathy.

For some of you, it’s not until the situation knocks on your door directly that you will care but believe me, it has knocked, you just haven’t heard because you’re in too deep a sleep. With statistics like those, I can almost assure you that someone you love dearly or someone you know personally has been sexually molested or raped and probably by someone you know. Let that marinate. 

106d775cc121455.png

To my sisters, the process of healing is hard… and long… but possible. Always remember, the places you had to overcome your greatest challenges and pains are the places you have the most to give. When you have moved a mountain you let others know it can be moved.Your purpose will heal your pain but your voice will protect another from pain. 

To everyone who ignores, turn a blind eye and keeps silent on this issue, you have chosen the side of the rapists. Silence is violence. Break the Silence. Break the Cycle. I dare you to care share.

Victoriously yours,

Queen Stacia xoxo

Support the Campaign. Buy a “Silence is Violence” T-shirt or Hoodie. Click HERE

Share if you care.

3236246e0107aa0.png

Advertisements

11 Lessons from a Street-Smart Entrepreneur

13041476_10154024872736142_36372187491841762_o

As a budding entrepreneur, I’ve made many mistakes; Some of which could have possibly been avoided had I read more books and gathered more information beforehand. Thankfully, it’s almost never too late to learn, grow and achieve your entrepreneurial goals. Having started reading and loving the learning experience, I want to share 11 lessons from one of the books I read earlier this year- “The Street-Smart Entrepreneur” by Jay Goltz. 

1. Take inventory of your assets and leverage them. If you’ve got it, use it, even if it’s just a great smile.

2. A healthy business starts with a healthy body. Your health is your best long term investment. Taking care of your health is one job you can’t delegate.

3. Get rid of employees who continually challenge your company’s standards.

4. Long term relationships are easy to get into and hard to get out of. Choose your partners carefully and always have an escape clause.

5. Motivation without education leads to frustration.

6. Screw ups happen when you delegate authority but deal with them. Don’t stop delegating.

7. A Litmus test – Ask yourself how you would feel if a given employee told you today that he/she was leaving. If you wouldn’t feel sorry to lose that employee, he/she probably should be off the payroll.

8. Continually ask yourself, “What’s the most important thing for my company right now, and how can I best leverage my abilities in the service of my company?”

9. Stop being so gullible. People lie. Fullstop.

10. Take time to read – Business magazines, books, articles, audiotapes.

11. Companies that have great customer service have great customer service training. SAVE is an easy way to remember how to deal with customer complaints.

S- ympathize- let them know you care and understand

A- ct- do something to resolve the problem

V-indicate – let customers know it’s not normal to make that kind of mistake

E-at -bare some of the expense or loss to redeem situation so as to make the customer happy and save company from losing a customer.

13071960_10154024106701142_9135451547918456081_o

Thanks for reading. I hope at least one of these lessons resonated with you. Please follow and SUBSCRIBE to my blog and get updated when there’s a new post by clicking the ‘subscribe’ button on the page.

Love & Blessings,

Queen Stacia.

Follow the blog IG: @naturaliconbeauty

Personal IG: @staciadavidson

Like me on Facebook: Click Here.

10 Lessons From Six-Figure Women

One of the the goals that I’ve set for myself for 2016 is to read at least 24 books for the year. Most of the books that I will read will cover the areas of Personal Development, Relationships, Black History and Empowerment and Business, Entrepreneurial and Financial Knowledge. I’m going to use this medium as a means of sharing any note-worthy points or lessons from my readings. My hope is that it will inspire you peak your interest and inspire you to up your reading game. The first book that I read was the “Secrets of Six-Figure Women” by Barbara Stanny.

six figure women

Here are 10 lessons from six-figure women that I wish to share with you:

1. Working hard doesn’t mean working all the time. The critical factor is not the number of hours as much as the intensity of focus

2. Focus on fulfilling your values rather than just financial gain.

3. “If making money is the goal, you’ll never make enough to be happy. You’ll always want more. A lot of people fall into this trap and never find happiness because they’re always chasing dollars.” – Traci Jardins

4. Sometimes the real reason behind our denial is that we are afraid. An admission of truth makes us accountable to change.

5. Inherent in every intention is the mechanics for it’s fulfillment. Strong intentions have been known to produce sheer miracles. When an implicit desire- say, to be comfortable- is stronger than your spoken intention- to be profitable- you’ll stop yourself at every turn.You may say, and believe, you want to make more, but that’s not the message that’s reaching your brain. if you want to know what your strongest intention is regarding money, look at your life. if cash flow is a problem, if your job pays too little, if prosperity remains elusive, if you cant seem to find the time to do what it takes, then either you have not set an intention or you actually intend not to be financially successful. No decision, after all, is a decision.

6. “There are two games in life. The one most of us are playing, called Not to Lose, is an avoidance game. We’re so afraid of taking risks, looking bad, that we never really win.” –Larry Wilson The desire to avoid fear (whether it’s fear of rejection or disapproval, of success or of failure) is what keeps most of us in the Not to Lose game.

7. There’s a strong tendency when fear and stress come up to slip back to what feels safe, into the game of Not to Lose. The whole key to this strategy is to recognize, as quickly as possible, that you’re playing to be safe and not to succeed.

8. Asking for more is an act of self-love. Saying no is a show of self-respect. Refusing to settle is a statement of self-worth. And walking away is a sign of self-trust. Whenever you stand up for what you want, whenever you refuse to take less than what you deserve, you reinforce your self-love, self-respect, self-worth, and self-trust. In time, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself. Speaking up becomes not something you should do,but something you have to do-because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

9. Declare an intention to attract supportive people in your life and be willing to let go of those who aren’t.

10. Go as far as you can using all that you’ve got.

natural hair career women 2

Thanks for reading. I hope at least one of these lessons resonated with you. Please follow and SUBSCRIBE to my blog and get updated when there’s a new post by clicking the ‘subscribe’ button on the page.

Love & Blessings,

Queen Stacia.

Follow the blog IG: @naturaliconbeauty

Personal IG: @staciadavidson

Like me on Facebook: Click Here.