Raise Your Price!

mighty race

“If you put a small value on yourself, rest assured, the world will not raise your price.”

I’ve always known this but the revelation has just now jumped at me so refreshingly and with such a convincing intensity that I had to write about it.

The secret has been out for so long, yet as a people, we refuse to consciously decide to act and change the way we view ourselves. We refuse to change our limiting beliefs of who we are and what we are worth. The startling realization that the ONLY thing that could be keeping you down, keeping you in bondage, keeping you poor, keeping you in bad relationships is how you see yourself, is still not even enough to force you to see your worth.

It’s as clear to me as daylight now. Have you ever wondered how such a strong, powerful, smart, ingenuous, creative race could succumb to being enslaved for so long? It’s simple, our oppressors weren’t any stronger, any greater in numbers, any more creative but what they had was the “secret”. You keep someone down by instilling their sense of worthlessness, by ensuring they never come to realize their worth. You do that to someone, and you have in your possession a devoted slave for life… a slave to oppressive systems, a slave to bad relationships, a slave to mediocrity, a slave to failure, a slave to low esteem… Now, you do that to a nation, to an entire race and you can just imagine the power you hold in your hands.

You’ll notice the minute someone starts seeing his worth, his actions change. The fact is, no one can change without first changing his mindset…That’s where it all starts. Our very decisions are affected when we change how we think. We start making better choices, accepting better things and refusing to accept that which is bad for us because we know what we deserve. Marcus Garvey said that without confidence in self we are twice defeated in the race of life but that confidence only comes when we realize our worth. Our worth is tied to our possibilities.

When you know your worth, you walk accordingly. So there is really no magic to what people have been saying all along about the law of attraction. If you are walking with your head down, if you have a low self esteem, if you are negative etc., you will send off that signal and you’ll attract those things and people to your life that may feed on those kinds of attitudes and energies. However, a woman, who is confident, looks good and knows it, knows what she’s about, knows what she wants and what she’s worth will attract those men bold enough to take on the challenge and will probably deter those that don’t think they can match up to the expectations. That’s the simple Law of Attraction…. we attract what we honour, what we respect and what we believe.

I’m not saying it’s easy to change how we think and how we view ourselves especially since some of us have been born to believe our worthlessness but it’s NECESSARY if we are going to improve our lives, make better choices and BUILD the confidence Garvey wanted us to have… What is good about you? What is different about you? Find out and instill in yourself a sense of worth. Read good books that will help the process. Hang around people who know their worth and who are confident and positive. Your life is in your hands. You cannot depend on others to make you feel worthwhile because such is the system of slavery and capitalism….designed to keep you in classes- one above the other, one smarter than the other, one richer than the other, one superior to the other…

Find your worth, cherish it, internalize it, live it….. and see yourself walk into a better life.

You are worthy. Raise your price!

Love,

Queen Stacia.

Follow on Instagram: @naturaliconbeauty

Like on Facebook: Click Here

 

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4 Reasons He Invited You Over

Disclaimer: Ladies, this blog post is not my attempt to try to burst your bubble on the eve of Valentine’s Day and men, this is not an attempt to cock-block. There are other ways I could do that. My aim is simply to tell it like it is and maybe something I say will reach someone, either as comedy, mere entertainment or if I’m really lucky, someone will find my thoughts empowering. Or am I pushing it  a bit?

Anyway, there are some men who just love asking the question, “Are you coming over tonight?” and there is nothing wrong with that question. Women, just BEWARE. If you find that a man keeps INSISTING that you come to his house after you’ve only just met, he is probably up to no good. Well, let me put this another way because depending on how you view things, what he is up to may be all the GOOD that your body craves.*giggles* I couldn’t help myself with that one. I don’t know why I always run off chasing some random thought like a sex deprived dog during mating season. I blame it on the oil in my back. Nevertheless, all I’m saying is don’t think too much into things when he is in a hurry for you to come to his house. It’s not necessarily that he likes you so much and thinks that he has finally found the girl of his dreams.

In fact, on the contrary, FOUR (4) OTHER reasons come to mind why he would be PRESSURING you to make a house visit:

1. He wants to have sex with you. He wants the ‘good good’ and being at his house makes it easier for this encounter especially if you two are alone. It makes you more vulnerable to his advances.

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2. He is cheap. Let’s face it. House dates are cheaper- no gas, no entry fees and they usually end with sex so it’s really a win-win situation right there.

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3. He is hiding. Believe it or not, for whatever reason, maybe prince charming doesn’t want to be seen with you in a public setting. Could it be that he has a wife or is it that he is ashamed of you? Well, I have no idea why he is hiding. In fact, you may be tempted to ask why would a man that’s hiding bring you to his house since his girlfriend or wife can always show up. Don’t ask me ask the many men who have been caught red-handed. I have no idea why they do it and I am not trying to understand. That’s really not the point of this post. Stop trying to over think things because you want to feel special.  The point is, he may be hiding. Why would he bring you to the movies, dinner or that party where he could run into any “unnecessary problems” aka “friends of his girlfriend”, “his friends” or just “anybody”? And if he did bring you, he’d probably have to wear a mask and hoodie and we all know how that ended for Trayvon.

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4. He wants you to see his house. If he has a nice place, if he is rich etc, he tries to use that as a means of getting you in bed with him. The idea behind that is, he believes that the more money he has or is perceived of having, the greater his chances of scoring… IN YOUR GOAL. In other words, man logic is, if a girl thinks you have money or that you are rich, she’ll open her legs quicker and more easily. And who can blame them for thinking this?

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So basically ladies, those are 4 other reasons he didn’t tell you why you should come see him. You can either take my word for it, ask your brother, father or a good male friend but the dude who is pressuring you to come by his place is not looking to spending a quiet evening with you. It’s not that he loves your company, it’s not that he doesn’t like public spaces, and it’s not that he just wants to chill and watch a movie. The bottom line is, he wants to F*CK!

Happy Valentine’s Eve Day Queens!
Sex Visit Responsibly. *lol*

Love,

Queen Stacia.

Follow on Instagram: @naturaliconbeauty

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Love Shit Happens!

It’s Valentine’s Day in a couple of days so I thought I should write something on love and then I found this post I had written three years ago. With some minor edits, I’ve decided to reshare on this new platform:

I jumped out of bed this morning with a thought. No huge revelation just something that said, “hey this is what happened. You accepted shit.”

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My friend asked me one simple question one night and the way I answered (or not answered) had me thinking. It was as if I was afraid to be judged not because he would judge me but because as I looked back on my previous relationship I saw how I had allowed “love” to make me lower my standards. I’m grateful for all the lessons I’ve learned but it seems I’m still grappling with how I managed to foolishly let some things slide in the name of love. The diagnosis is clear. Love makes you do shit. It makes you accept shit. And it makes you not see shit as shit.

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Side Note: I’m sorry if I’m offending anyone by my insistent use of the word “shit” but it gets the point across as crudely as I want it to and have somehow managed to infiltrate my vocabulary. 

But anyway, as I was saying, love will make your usually superficial mind excuse the fact that he has a big nose. It will make you excuse his beer belly, his knocked knees, and his disproportionate body. Even worst, it may even make you excuse the fact that you’re being abused and/or that he has a girlfriend.

Just so you know, those were merely hypothetical descriptions and situations but the message is you all know that there were things you said you would never do and then you meet a guy, fall head over heels and, all of a sudden, you’re a girl on the side; all of sudden you’re being pounded on; all of a sudden, you’re with the pot belly guy. Yes, it happens, love makes you do some crazy shit. In fact, love makes you excuse the shit that people do. Like nincompoops, we hold people to a lower standard when we love them. 

I’m learning to do just the opposite actually. I’m taking no excuses to be treated poorly. There are no excuses to lower my standards. On the contrary, because I love you, I have to, I MUST hold you to a higher standard because you are now very capable of hurting me. 

I’ve learned that love is never a good enough excuse to accept shit.  Queen, when he disrespects you, say to yourself, sometimes love just isn’t enough. Because the truth is, sometimes it isn’t. Relationships need more than love. It takes respect, communication, trust and maturity etc etc. Why would you stay with a man that’s beating your ass and all in the name of love???? Then who’s to love you???  Why not leave his ass because you love yourself? Now doesn’t that sound like the better plan?

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Queens, I beseech you, don’t be tricked into this notion that makes you accept crap as valid excuses for lowering your standards and foolishly compromising your worth. I’m not saying that people don’t make mistakes, I’m not saying that you’re not going to find someone who is worthy of forgiveness but what I am saying is don’t use love as an excuse or a crotch to take shit in life. Try loving yourself first and you’ll find how much easier it becomes to not accept shit from others. You have got to learn that shit will always come from one place…. the ass.

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Thanks for visiting. If you like the posts, please share the link and remember to subscribe/follow so you can be updated when a new blog post is made.

Love xoxo,

Queen Stacia.

Follow on Instagram: @naturaliconbeauty

Like on Facebook: Click Here

Dashiki Girl

Straight up, I’m a Dashiki girl. I’ve been wearing Dashikis from my college days before it was trendy to do so. I got so excited when I found a store in Baltimore that sold them in every colour. Apparently it’s supposed to be a top but I wore it as a dress and paired it with the crochet gladiator sandals from Crochet Eye Candy.
I thought the Dashiki was the perfect outfit to kick start February being it’s Black History Month. I can probably also wear it on Valentines Day since it’s red. (Though a red blanket would probably make more sense as the only place I’ll be going on V-Day is to my bed.)

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Thanks for visiting. If you like the posts, please share the link and remember to subscribe/follow so you can be updated when a new blog post is made.
Love xoxo,

Queen Stacia.

Follow on Instagram: @naturaliconbeauty

Like on Facebook: Click Here

Credits:
Styling: @staciadavidson

Photography: @marz_jackson

Make Up: @lejounb.artistry

Sandals: @crocheteyecandy

What Am I Willing To Suffer For It?

As I lay in bed this morning contemplating whether or not to exercise, I came across this article  which could have easily been called “Salt” because that is exactly what it felt like while reading it; it was like I was pouring salt into my wound of excuses as to why I didn’t have to exercise this morning. It was timely and could not have been more appropriate for my situation. It spoke about how we all want things… and we claim to want them really bad. Whether it is to be rich, a particular job/career, a healthy happy relationship or a sexy beach bod. People will tell you what they want & they will always ask what you want. But the more appropriate question and the true test of what you truly desire is what are you willing to suffer for it? Stop! Pause. Let that marinate.

Are you willing to “suffer” early mornings, the sweat, the soreness and pain of exercising, the hunger pangs, sacrifice fried chicken and pizza, 60- hour work weeks, long commutes, long board meetings, obnoxious paperwork, tough conversations & the awkwardness of silence with your significant other?

Happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative.  If you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs.

Any time you are in a situation where you find yourself not wanting to do the things that are required in order to achieve this ‘thing’, this ‘goal’ that you claim you want so very badly, ask yourself this important question: What am I willing to suffer for it?

Suffice to say, I did my exercise this morning💪👙

Read the full article here

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*This was a post I made on Instagram a couple months ago and I found myself having to go back to it because sometimes you need a reminder to keep at it. I think you too will find it useful so I decided to post it here.

 

Natural Icon Beauty Feature- DIEDRE’

I believe I have a knack and love for identifying and exposing talents and beauty in people but I also want to use this medium to empower women to be confident in who they are, to love themselves, cultivate their style and to enjoy life. I hope my blog brand Natural Icon Beauty will be an avenue where I can marry my love for natural hair, beauty, creative arts, humour, personal style, self confidence, empowerment, and exposing talents to create something that people will love and something that will possibly change/impact lives for the better. With this in mind, I’ve decided to do a monthly feature to highlight the style and beauty of a black woman with natural hair. My first Natural Icon Beauty of the Month will be the gorgeous Diedre’ McKenzie.
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Diedre’ has worked with me on many occasions and was actually integral in helping me to get this blog off the ground when it was merely just an idea. She’s always supportive of my ventures and has willingly used her talents, when possible, to aid many others in attaining their dreams. It is, therefore a no-brainer that I feature this member of Team Natural Icon Beauty who is an Art/Events Manager, Model, Stylist, Make-Up Artist, Aspiring Photographer among other things… and Friend.

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I wanted to find out more about her and her natural hair so I asked her:

NIB: Hey Queen, I’m so glad you agreed to be featured as our Natural Icon Beauty of the Month. Please introduce yourself to our readers.
DIEDRE’: My Name is Diedre` McKenzie a graduate of the Edna Manley College of the Visual and Performing Arts where I studied for a Degree in Arts Management. At the age of 23, my main goal in life is to be happy and truly successful where I believe my success is determined by whether I find happiness or joy in what I do. I love being creative and helping people to see the true potential in themselves through styling, decor and living a good lifestyle. I model as a hobby and I am currently trying to get certified in the areas of makeup artistry, interior decorating, fashion design, psychology and health and wellness.

NIB: Define your style.
DIEDRE’: hmm, to give a specific definition to my style is a very complicated one. I like anything that looks good on my body. I like to be sultry yet sophisticated and I rarely follow trends unless it looks good.

NIB: What do you love about your natural hair?
DIEDRE’: I love most things about my hair, the only thing I don’t like is the amount of money I spend on products to get the perfect look and that it makes me impatient waiting on it to grow.

NIB: Have you ever processed your natural tresses?
DIEDRE’: No I haven’t and I never will.

NIB: What’s your favourite way to wear your hair?
DIEDRE’: I have several go to hairstyles- A messy high bun for work, bangs when its not windy, wash and go mostly and cornrowed back as protective do. When I get tired of combing it, I put in some braids for a month or two.

NIB: Some people are under the impression that having natural hair is hard and expensive to maintain, is this so?
DIEDRE’: The only thing that’s hard about having natural hair is trying to meet the standards of what people say is “combed” hair. Not to say your hair shouldn’t be groomed or tamed, because it would make you look more kept, but if you accept the shape, form, textures etc. of your hair everything else comes easy.

NIB: What’s your hair regimen?
DIEDRE’: Water, Water, Water… Water is the main step in my hair regimen. I wet it in the mornings. I use moisturizer with main ingredient water. I occasionally use gel with main ingredient water. Otherwise, I would wash and go and sometimes put in a curling gel to keep my curls tight. I co-wash my hair twice a week, ( I no longer use shampoo) and trim the ends ever so often ( I’m due a trim now).

NIB: Explain ‘co-wash’ for those of us who don’t understand what that is.
DIEDRE’: Co-wash is using conditioner to wash your hair instead of using shampoo.

NIB: I’ve heard stories of women who have been pressured to process their hair or who have experienced harsh criticisms, negativity and/or even sabotage because they wear their natural tresses. Have you had any such experience(s) solely or partly because of your hair?
DIEDRE’: The society we live in has yet to come to terms that even if we were all put in a baking mold we would still come out different, some will have more air holes than others ( Pun intended). It is until we realize that we cannot change the way we were made and embrace our differences, that people will be forced to embrace it. I have had many experiences where the way I chose to wear my hair have affected people’s opinion of me. I even went about changing it to suit them, but I have learnt that the only reason I should change something about myself is if it is going to make me happier or healthier. I’ve never heard of natural hair killing anyone yet, so until then, I’ll keep rocking my curls.

NIB: As a model, do you find it harder to get gigs because of your natural hair? Or is natural hair readily accepted in the fashion industry?
DIEDRE’: The fashion Industry likes girls who they can play around different looks with. The girl with no hair gets more gigs than a girl with processed or natural hair because then they can wear wigs and different hairstyles so natural hair is not a deal breaker especially since natural hair is simply a fad for some. Even processed hair chics are putting in curly tresses to have our type of hair *flashes hair while tilting head to the side*. However, the struggle that most models face is with height, weight and/or skin colour.

NIB: People will look at how gorgeous you are and think that you must be very confident and that you have it all together, is that so? Or do you have insecurities like the rest of us?
DIEDRE’: Ha! Confidence is such a funny thing! Today, you have it tomorrow you don’t. You never really have it all the time because there is always something that makes you question your worth. What I have learned is that it’s not important to meet everyone’s expectation but it is important to meet your own. There is always someone who’s not going to like you, not going to see your worth, always expecting the worse from you or trying to put you down because of selfish reasons but seeing your goal and focusing on reaching it is what’s important. In my case, that’s being happy.

NIB: If you could describe your life, vision for your life, or guiding philosophy(ies) using three quotes, what would they be?
DIEDRE’: “Live, Love, Laugh.”; “Just Do It!”; “This Too shall Pass.” I was going to include “Forever Faster” but I don’t run. That’s how I remind myself to live every day. I don’t have a plan as to how I want my life to go I just have a goal and will do everything to reach it.

NIB: One last question, what does it mean for you to be a Natural Icon Beauty?
DIEDRE’: Wah! Mi life tun up now! *laughs out loud* Everyday you live your life trying to reach your goal, you never think the work is done because you always see room to grow and be a better version of yourself and then, someone sees your hard work and tells you good job, or tells you they admire you. It means something. It means that you’re not just working for you but to help people who have the same desires, struggles and questions of life to find the answer much quicker than if they were to search for it themselves. My ultimate dream is to help people realize how much investing in themselves can make their life more fulfilling. To be considered as a Natural Icon Beauty means I’m doing something right and I am one step closer to this dream.
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“I wasn’t sure I was going to pull off this dress, but then I remembered who I was and owned it like nobody’s biz.”

Yes, you sure did. Thanks again Diedre. I appreciate that you were open and honest. I wish you all the best in your present and future endevours.

Thanks to everyone for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this feature. Awaiting your Comments below 😆

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Love xoxo,

Queen Stacia.

Follow on Instagram: @naturaliconbeauty

Like on Facebook: Click Here

Credits:
Photography:
Photo 1 & 7-9 : @jesuisalrick
Photos 2-6: @nickiikane

Make Up:
Photo 1 & 7-9 : @kimzie_kim
Photos 2-6: @mz_zeri

Styling: Diedre Mckenzie

Keep up with Diedre:
Instagram: Click Here
Facebook: Click Here

DIY Crop Top Style

What do you do when your flight gets cancelled so you have a couple more days before your next flight? You do something constructive. Well, I wrote two blog posts.

What do you do when you have written two blog posts you insist that you saved and edited to perfection but they have somehow mysteriously gone missing? You cuss some b*mb*cl**t start over. *inhale* *exhale* So as hard as this is for me to do, I will write them over. *sigh* Let’s hope this ‘New Year New Me’ fever doesn’t wear off any time soon. I’m kind of liking this patient Stacia. 😒

My friend Diedre suggested that I let you know how I came up with and how you can achieve each of the looks for all my style entries. As great as that sounds, I have no plans to commit to that kind of bondage, professionalism consistency for each post especially since I write (and edit) as I’m inspired. Hence, I sometimes don’t even know what I’m going to write about until I actually start writing. And at that point, there’s no telling what will or will not make the cut.

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Speaking of cut, it now makes sense to share with you how I achieved the look for this crop top and how you can too with just a tshirt, scissors, needle (or sewing machine), thread and material scraps of your choice. And since I lost my original content this could be a great DIY project, I thought you’d find it useful.

Believe it or not, this spunky crop top was once a dull solid colour black tshirt. I achieved its new look by cutting a piece of animal print material that I liked and stitched it in the centre of the black Tshirt. I then cut the shirt to my desired length. I also cut around the ring of the neckline to make it wider so I could achieve an off the shoulder effect. After that, I cut two strips of denim from an old pair of jeans and stitched it to the shoulders like an epaulette. I then cuffed the sleeves to my liking and that was it. My once dull black Tee has now been transformed into a crop top with a new cheerful personality.

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And of course, in the true coining meaning of my ‘hippie urban’ and ‘upcycled chic’ style, I paired it with the infamous neon green flared skirt that sadly will be making its final appearance for the year (R.I.P.)…. and my pink Converse that I absolutely love. Consequently, it didn’t suffer the same fate that the rest of the other stuff I got from my ex did. *snickers* Come on, #DontJudgeMe I’m just kiddin’….. (or am I? Lol)   

Thanks for visiting. Awaiting your Comments below 😆

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Love xoxo,

Queen Stacia.

Follow on Instagram: @naturaliconbeauty

Like on Facebook: Click Here

Credits:

Crop Top: @staciadavidson

Styling: @staciadavidson

Photography: @nickiikane

Make Up: @ms.yelad_realntrue

Location: Downtown Kingston, Jamaica